Everyday
Everyday she goes to church when she comes back they laugh at her
She has no one in this world. No human being to care for her.
She lost both of her parents, watched them die in front of her.
But still she goes to church and everyday I pray for her.
She was once a virgin and no man had tasted her.
Then she fell in love with the wrong man who wasted her.
He stole virginity and then he empregnated her.
Little did she know he also reinfected her.
With an HIV that will no doubt bring death to her.
I dedicate my life, my every living breath to her.
One day she came from church and then I slowly walked to her.
I looked her in the eye cause my soul had to talk to her.
She loved poetry and she asked me to recite for her.
Everyday she goes to church and everyday I pray for her.
Still
How long have I been chasing
Doubts, questions, fears, love, hell
Assuming it was the truth I was after
I have come to rest and survive in many lives
I have made a mess in all of them
And I have not learned which one is really mine
I have changed so many times
And I have lived so many lies
Lived in sleepless shadows
But I still give the impression
That I am not alone
I grieve in the silence of the life I was thrown into
And I have kept my grief and and tears well hidden
Seeing as the life I aspire is an illusion
My life produces pain and sorrow
Apart from the life where you are
Where you are not just a dream
I'm afraid to move
I look to you to break free
Afraid to slip off the palm of your hand
And into the fist of another
Where I will be suffocated and perish
My life is a crushing wheel
That runs me over and over
I am of sound mind and I see the end is near
And it is seeping right through my pores
i can see the twilight in your eyes
i can see the twilight in your eyes
but i don’t know whether it’s the suns fall or rise
your voice cuts through the endless whys
but i can’t hear past my dying cries
and i could try for one last time
to see clearly through my rotting eyes
and i could try for one last time
to get back up just to compromise
i can feel the warmth of your hand
but i don’t know whether it’s love or hell
and i wonder at first glance
how it is that one could tell
and i could try for one last time
to see clearly through my rotting eyes
and i could try for one last time
to get back up just to compromise
i can hear the voice of an angel
but i don’t know if it’s Lucifer or Gabriel
maybe i should face my fears
maybe i could drown in tears
and i could try for one last time
to see clearly through my rotting eyes
and i could try for one last time
to get back up just to compromise
Memory
It was a happening,
a moment in time,
some fifty years ago.
I remember
the pull on my shirt,
a plaintive voice
a cry for help,
the revulsion
For Iraqi girl,
age close to seven,
dress torn,
sandals broken,
cupped hands
outstretched;
no nose, no cheek,
no right eye;
instead
a gap, a void,
a festering hole.
Horror struck,
I search,
I find a coin,
a silver one,
to give, to push
into her hand.
Girl with only half a face,
please go away.
please leave my view,
seeing you
I ache, I pain
I hurt, for
you do offend.
She had run,
had scurried off,
was quickly gone.
Now when I close my eyes
10 October 2006
remembrance
the memory
out of nowhere
the memory of you
it's so real
the tears find their forgotten pathways on my cheeks
my head bows
my shoulders slump
the weight of sadness
pulls me into the pain of missing you
my eyes close
moving pictures
of your life
shared moments
i feel your love wrap itself around me
as you smile
you take me in your arms and everything is right again
my head buried in your neck
your warmth
your smell
our shared laughter
i remember
the joy
the overwhelming love
the devastating loss
i ache from the very depths of my soul
the knowing
in this life
i will never
see you again,
touch you,
talk to you,
hold your hand,
cry with you,
be with you,
tell you i love you
hear you tell me the same
never
the ache
it’s in my breath
it’s in every heartbeat
i can’t
how
and then
your love
your strength
you’re with me
you gave me life
you showed me love's gifts
you guided me on life's pathways
you picked me up when i fell
you believed in me when i couldn't go on
you waited for me when i was lost
you held me when i felt i was alone
you loved me always
you will be forever
my best friend
my mother