MY SUICIDE NOTE

MY SUICIDIDE NOTE

Believe it or not, my life ends with this poem
Every word, is my flesh and your understanding my bone
I write this poem for you to read,
hopefully you'll understand the reason my pen bleeds
Maybe I'll pass-out as I'm writting this
Casualty on duty like a crook
Death gives me dirty looks
For only God judge me – I'm an open book
To whomever finds this note
I beg you to quote
That I took my life without a gun,a rope
Poison not even a slit throat
I simply picked my pen……
And wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote

Home Is Where You Hang

sign my farewell with the chimes of clock radios 7a.m.
sun reveals a failed
cherubim dangling from the rafters like a sentimental ghost
floating midway between the curse of the sky and you
this noose carries what atrophied wings can't
don't you want me disenchanted
a deader shade of sorry buried from the neck up in a slipknot
dragging my feet through the dead air
suspended a fallen chair length from the ground when you found me
when they finally found me
this halo fit my throat
I am your contorted angel
writhing at a loss for wings
swelled tongues tell of brighter eyes
a severed spine of better days
like the deafened clicks of a blue lipped off the beat pendulum
I just wanted to be something more than enough of my God
I don't think I'm breathing
Jesus Christ when did I stop breathing
oh my God I can't hear myself breathing
this is all I know of flying
my eyes set on you like stains
in memory of romance

Climb A High Tree and Reach For A Low Star

climbing through old books
and photo-albums,
looking for a story that might
sell him hope,
he found only ghosts
and himself getting old.
there was nothing spectacular about it.
he put a gun in his mouth
and painted a mural with his brains
across the grandfather clock
he'd bought in Germany in 68.
the groundskeeper called the police.
the police called someone else.
they took him away
and tossed him in a box
and left the blood and books behind.

untitled thoughts

Is this designation my destination?
Wherein resignation isn’t my option
Then what life is there for me to live.
Strongly designed outside & poorly made inside
I wear a smile on my face
And inside me are walls of life falling apart.

Was I designed to be like this?
A tree alive at the top and dead at the bottom
If my inner me makes me a man
And if my inner me has parted me
Then I am a dead man living.
Was I designed to cry inside my belly?
While outer me laughs that my gums even show
Is this pretension my designation to my destination?
Whereas resignation is not my option.

This life is not mine; it was not made for me
I was not designed to be like this
Correct me if I am wrong, but if this life is mine,
then my life is a fake and I am a fake
And right now I know not which way to take
The air in spaces is at stake
For my heart is broken, the beauty of life is stolen
And swollen are spoken thoughts inside my head;
Depart this life.

Drowning

Like an unwanted leak
A tear runs down the cheek
Emotions no longer able to be held back
Body seizing up as if in attack
It's like something invisible holding you down
Keeping you under, nearly making you drown
You try get up but you just keep falling
It's like the sadness inside of you keeps on calling
Suddenly you take a gasp of air
Body now feeling in major despair
Feels like there is nothing you can do
A puddle of sadness surrounds you
Want to give in and feel there's no hope
It keeps pushing you under, making it hard to cope
You try your hardest to try stay above
Thinking of all the people you love
The more you fight it, the deeper you go
Thoughts in your mind moving to and fro
But suddenly you feel frightenly free
No more struggle, where could you be…?

Drowning

Silent nights, silent days.
I watch my cloud of happiness pass me by.

My spirit is no-more.
Im bleeding and these wounds, wont seem to heal.

Holding my last breathe, I sink into crimson water.
Falling deep,
Im bleeding and drowning.

I hear the voices of torched souls calling out to me.

Confused.

Everything fades to black.
Its dark and cold.

All the pain, I feel gets harder.

Am I too lost to be saved?
Who's going to save me?
Who would want to save me?

i cant take this …

i cant take this feeling of my success…i see blood.
i see my own blood…
would  there be any blood ?
which way am i taking?

am i going to use a rope to tie my problems..?
a poet once said "problems are programmes for progress"
surely my programmes are useless…
my heart is careless for my mind is thoughtless…
rite now death to me is a prettygirl , i cant let her pass me by with that exposing red dress…

which way am i taking?
am i going to treat myself like a rat on my last day?
am i going to order that pizza and put 3 step galazi(rat poison) on my take away?
well everyone thinks im a rat…oh and atleast il die fat …lying on my mothrs carpet…

i cant take this thought of self murder,
or maybe self-attempted-brutal murder…
i aint crossing this border… im taking my life further…

as they say "no matter the weather"
cosman will live forever…

Lost, alone and empty

under pressure from family and friends,
the constant moaning never ends.
Everything i say and do is a sin,
i try to be fair but i never win.
don't do it that way, do it this way i'm told,
i live in a prison where its constantly cold.
No one ever understands me,only i
I cant do right from wrong but i always try.
I smile and I'm accused of frowning,
i cry so much that I'm afraid of drowning
i feel lost, alone and empty.
If i was to go away, would anyone miss me?

I long to be free

Deep in thoughts constantly I am, longing for a space in time, Feeling the need to fly, break free from this flesh of mine, living behind this world of pain and sorrow, setting my soul free to glide in an open space, where time does not exist no standard to match up, a place where none has gone for its my space, only me myself and I could just be together, I most def needs a place I can call home and my home

Sunset

Before my wrist spits crimson red
and like a haemophiliac I`ll bled
before all my life essence are shed
and my name to a pale tombstone being add.
I want to watch one more sunset.

Before I play a game of Russian Roulette
and my body fells helplessly dead
before I lie with a hole in my head
and look back to my life of regret.
I want to watch my last sunset.

Before a lonely tear runs wet
before my demise I met
before I pay the Reeper my debt
and before all my existence are forget.
I want to watch this sunset