A Happy Person

A Happy Person
Storm blown ripples
line my weathered brow,
face a map of life’s journey,
of striving, disappointments
happiness and joy.

The winds of sorrow,
and displeasure have
left their mark on
my furrowed brow, but
my sparkling crows feet,
eyes, are happy lines.

Although
the sad waters have left
their lines of memory,
there are no tears
for past events to fill up
dry lakes of discontent,
and my now happy smile,
helps smooth the waters of
my still much wrinkled face.

Flowers of hope have opened,
blossoms of bliss bloomed,
and seas of tranquillity and
peace now fill my soul and
my heart is filled with love.

All thoughts of past and future
displaced through practice,
meditation, quietness, being
still; these daily moments of
calm, bring a realisation that
to be happy I must only
live now, in present moment,
for as each moment dies,
for me, a new one is born.

Bob Blackwell
30-07-2009

Strange love

Sweet memories!I'm their golden retriever.
But usually after a night of poisoning my liver,
i get temporary amnisia.
This morning it's looks like i have lost that hard-earned ability,
because the naked body lying next to me looks and smells so familiar.

Before i knew it she was gone.
Now i am in my room,all alone,
losing it!
I can not watch t.v or listen to my own personal collection of music
or worse!
I can not do anything without cutting down a minute to think about her.

For the entire day,my mind has been filled with comple images of her,
from the bottom of her feet to the tips of her hair.
I kept wishing last night could reoccur.

It's night time and my body is laidback
but my thoughts are restless.
I guess they are on their night shift,
of thinking of her.

Some feeling this is!
A strangce one indid!

butterfly kisses

butterfly kisses lost in the distance
sweet, sweet sorrow i hear your call
was it not you who taught me to listen
then left me there, was i meant to fall?
he hides in the shadows, lurking there
waiting for a moment of dispare
that second of weakness is all it takes
for him to realise your mistakes
not good enough is what he says
now its too late for simple prayers
just when you thought you found the one
he leaves you reaching for the gun

sweet, sweet sorrow i hear your call
catch me now before i fall

he stands and watches as you cry
begging him to tell you why
he does not care about your pain
theres nothing left for him to gain
slowly he starts to walk away
you open your mouth with no words to say
memories swirling through your head
wishing you were dead
you look around, but no ones there
you gasp for breath, but wheres the air
ur falling now, is it too late
what can you do to change this fate

sweet, sweet sorrow i heard your call
is theres no hope for me at all

am i condemed to a life alone
i whisper to the wind
i feel so small, and on my own
but this cant be the end
reaching, grasping, i know its true
but then why, oh why cant i see you
i sit and watch my life go by
and cannot help but wonder why
this silence consuming every word
i shout and shout but cant be heard
ill leave it for another day
and hope this feeling goes away

sweet, sweet sorrow theres no more call
ive reached the end, you can have it all

My pen is running dry like my love for you has dies

My pen is running dry like my love for you has died.
Explore the concept of putting thought to reality, my inner most fears, joys and dreams recorded as it took place, step by step. No one can forget it’s written down in pen.

Guided throughout my journey The Captain steering the pen, my soul grew in strength.
Burdens carried within me were slowly ripped apart and healed systematically,
Yet, my pen. Never ran dry

An answer for each emotion, for each wrong decision and many I made.
Many letters I wrote, sharing my thoughts my fears my guilt and my passion, addressed to the father of my son.
.
Not one reply from him, and my pen practically dry.

The distance between us become incalculable
The peaceful distant love I used to feel from pretending to be never ending.
That same love, now replaced with harsh words, insults, humiliation, mostly the feeling of how inadequate and silly he perceives me to be,
The punishment I gave myself and him to me was never enough for him to love me back as if love never a reality or a fact.

Replaced soon by another, both woman fought for his love, – now don’t rub it in I lost. She outsmarted us all, planned it all ahead of time. Her words “I love him dearly” so many motives besides love hidden in that one sentence.
Destiny not meant for us, yet your intelligence and good judgment of character failed you this time around. Your life now mapped out, fooling yourself by thinking you are the navigator, no she pilots the course of your life and in the future  your life will always be controlled by the your secret life conductor.

The time is now approaching recollection of our 13 year. “Would be” anniversary.
None of the dreams I still have of you, the daily thoughts of you, and the kindness I still showed.
No kind words, dreams of me. Thoughts, memories, go through your mind.
I will never allow you to come back into my mind. Better to pilot my way to a blissful life, planned to perfection and sealed with you not taking any prevention or him having protection.
Past hurt taught her that this time round, she will not be the one with compassion but rather the one that awaits her collection.

The love and memories you said you had for me died so suddenly within you.
I tried in vain to keep every memory safe within my soul.
I now let it flow away with every tear I shed due to the hurt of our failure when we never gave our whole…

As we part on terms of resentment and anger, No more I ask of you. Ever

Our paths put to rest by the birth of another child and the re born love for the other mother within your new little nest.
Questions you will never answer as the previous thousands I always asked; how can your immense love that you claimed you had for me intentionally die, as I it was murdered?  Has your destined true happiness really knocked on your door?
Do you perhaps own the key to open the door to reality and integrity?
My pen purposely saved some ink, for one sentence not to be erased by thought.
Good bye sad man, lonely and unfulfilled. Your purity and gentleness died not with my departure but rather when she proclaimed her entrance.
  My final encore to you and our once lived love, I say; adiós, my head held high departing the past and on voyage to my grand entrance.

I know who and what I am in life, your deliberate hurtful words, taught me to pilot my way to what I deserve. I deserve only the best, pity you are now part of the rest.

Untitled

The sun cracks an eyelid open
And the sky stirs
This stirring shakes the breeze awake
Which becomes the music to which the smoke rising from homes dances to
As the still and calmness packs his bag to travel west
I pack my bag and go to work

However
Sometimes
It rains

It buckets down
Drenches me and attempts to wash away even my most happiest of memories

I hate but need such days
They fuel my strength
And remind my memory
That my children have to get a better start than I did

Queen

I still feel your spirit
you were the other one who bit the dust
some say you faggot
your passion, lust, music your life
no judgement, not my lot
yet it was so obvious
“Queenie!”
No one says a lot
What else?
but you haunt me
“Queenie”
like so many others
Freddie, I still fret at the forgotten
While Bohemian plays
I cannot help
but remember you
and the memories you set
in three decades, and more recent
you mystical artist
Of Indian decent
who would have thought
a sad demise
HIV surprise
who would have said
vibrato rings so beautifully in your
reverberated voice
and who chose the distorted guitar sound?
And the moustache, through lips, edged round
Queen!
Mr Mercury
the barometer of music,
the forever lanced memory
from seventy and mainly eighty
then in ninety, dead
but never forgotten
still now and ahead
inside my…
Queen.

24 May 2007

Ode to Lies (part 1)

blissful days are met with anger.
Hanging onto life in the vacant cupboard hanger.
Just the place to find yourself in the place that you‘ve never been…
Places far, places near, yet so unseen.
Places, thoughts are mixed with pure reminders

cascading memories ever-clear water springs melting with the

earth for a while

the thought of a word was a black bowl of bile …

dark and distant thoughts were of the past and of the future for you to screen…

bliss took a backseat to this reality dream
dreams, splinters of the mind, fragmented and small,

hurting the senses; sending shockwaves to the core of the soul…

Dreams, made winding on the side road,

Eternal, old and distant (dreams) left me almost forever morbid and cold.

Tidings of goodwill, forget that dream,
For reality is a myth in an ancient far off realm…

A beam of bliss mixed with sand from the Sahara
desert skies
dreams made winding, still I think,

was a pack of
secret    woven     lies!

The Deciet of Cupid

caressed by his touch
i am the arrow that  he shot
twice piercing thru Gods Art

one picture i painted God
painted the other unsurely
i pursue Gods heart
and i sub-seed for His art

moments spent with His Art
establish memories of traces
time constructed with His Heart
builds solid foundations

as i reached the end of the
tunnel my light shines radicualy
as my night came to an end
my sun glows on my seeds
that God my gardener planted

aimlessly cupid shot i was to
target a faint whisper but
i bull eyed a saint ripper
stripping me of all my nature  

spiritually enticing my destiny
i yawn for cupids deceit to
pardon my ways of selfishness

two fallen angelic beings
humanised the taste of heaven
drips on my heart and stains my
soul only the blood can wash

God is out of time so His Love
is endlessly i am in time so i
only give it for a moment

separation brings me closer
blindness to her view opens my
eyes she ate the fruit of life
now her joy is my sin

My First Love

As I watch the white dove wonder around
Each step I take to lift my body about
With the rainbow just off the ground
I am reminded of the love I share with you

True love indeed arrived for the two of us
True Love overflowed for the two teens we were
Our face was glowing with the new adventure
And my feet would dance to every tune your voice created

As the years grew tall and our paths apart
loneliness took place, prolonging nights and days
Comfort was from the same beautiful sky we slept under
For that to us, was a blanket of love

The memories we created kept my heart ahead
Not even the years apart killed our blanket of beauty
Not even the mountain defeated the love we shared
Together again we found our way

Such a short time to leave our plans
What once was our bright future turned into dim-lit
But we hold onto the memories we created and the
pathways we have traveled down with the corners we turned,

When the time comes we will not be afraid
To say our goodbyes that will last forever,
For we will know it is only a matter of time
That we may see each other again

As your name will say to the nation
Home is all where will go
Where the sins of the world will have no space
But all angels will sing one tune.

For now we will sit and enjoy
The beauty of our hearts combined
For we know now we are indeed blessed
That before darkness we found one another again

I promise to share the story of this love
I promise to keep the memories alive
With every rainbow I promise to remember
That we are still under the same blanket of love

© 2007 shambala (All rights reserved)

False smile

As i look into your eyes, there's so much more to see,
beyond that smile there's heartache, and memories of what used to be.
There is anger and tears that you try so very hard to hide,
so much hurt and emotion leaving you feeling all torn up inside.
I know all this because i am a friend and you cant hide all that from me,
a false smile means nothing when all i can see in your eyes…
is heartache and misery.